


Or Is It Just My Wishful Thinking?

by daehwisvoice



Category: Produce 101 (TV), Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Drabble, Hurt/Comfort, It's an angst hehe, M/M, Winkhwi for the win, winkhwi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-19
Updated: 2018-05-19
Packaged: 2019-05-08 23:26:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,711
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14704692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daehwisvoice/pseuds/daehwisvoice
Summary: Park Jihoon, what kind of hold do you have on me? Whatever it is, don't let go.Park Jihoon was his senior at school ㅡ with the look of a typical high school bad boy in the dramas he had watched before. Well, at least that's what people saw in him. What Daehwi saw in him.In fact, the prejudice people put on Jihoon's shoulders were wrong.





	Or Is It Just My Wishful Thinking?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [brownrice](https://archiveofourown.org/users/brownrice/gifts).



> This is a prequel of my Mom [Nish](https://archiveofourown.org/users/brownrice/pseuds/brownrice)'s work, [here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14443086/chapters/33911004)
> 
> I'm sorry if this doesn't add up to your expectation, though.  
> I haven't read through it again, so please leave some comments if there are any glaring mistakes or weird part!  
> Thank you and enjoy!

_ Park Jihoon, what kind of hold do you have on me? Whatever it is, don't let go. _

  
  
  


Not after what they've gone through to have  _ this.  _ The luxury of being able to love each other openly.

 

Park Jihoon was his senior at school ㅡ with the look of a typical high school bad boy in the dramas he had watched before. Well, at least that's what people saw in him. What Daehwi  _ saw _ in him.

 

In fact, the prejudice people put on Jihoon's shoulders were wrong.

  
  
  
  
  
  


Daehwi didn't know what had Jihoon seen in him. Daehwi had always seen himself as a very ordinary person. There is nothing flashy he could show off. And even though his grade is above average, he had never been the top of his class, more so his batch.

 

So it was still a mystery to him.

  
  
  
  
  


The day he let go of Jinyoung from his life, was the first day Jihoon approached him.

 

Daehwi had always been so careful in showing his feelings for Jinyoung in fear of making the other boy feeling disgusted with him. He knew he could believe in Jinyoung, but his anxiety was too strong ㅡ too big it enveloped all of his common sense suffocatingly.

 

Until the day Jinyoung asked him.  _ No.  _ More like forcing an answer out of him.

 

"Do you like me, Lee Daehwi?"

 

"Answer me."

 

Daehwi still hadn't answer him.

  
  


"I said, do you like me?" His tone was higher and Daehwi was truthfully scared.

  
  


"I believed in you, but is this what I get in return?"

 

"Do you know what will happen if everyone know about this?"

 

Daehwi is very aware of the consequences, well,  _ that  _ is why he stayed silent all the time in the first place.

 

But he had never expected Jinyoung to get this mad at him.

 

He felt like choking and a layer of hot tears was brimming in his eyes, thus ducking his head down was the only thing he could think of. Daehwi wouldn't dare to think about how mad Jinyoung would be when he knew that he started to cry.

 

Seeing Daehwi staying silent, Jinyoung sighed and said, "I am sorry, Hwi. I know our friendship is precious, but please...  _ Please  _ let your feeling for me die. Don't do this to me. Don't do this to  _ yourself.  _ You, of all people, must know what will happen."

  
  


"Please forget this happened."

  
  


So, Daehwi tried to forget.

  
  
  
  
  


And that's when Jihoon came into the picture.

  
  


The next day after his  _ talk  _ with Jinyoung, a red carnation was put on his desk. There was a message attached to it, but no name was seen there.

 

Daehwi thought really hard about who could be the possible sender, but he realized that he had never been so close to anyone but Jinyoung.

 

_ And Jinyoung wouldn't do this. _

 

Not being able to recall any events that could lead to this, Daehwi shrugged his thoughts off.

  
  
  
  


But it repeated.

  
  
  
  


He received another carnation the next day, and the next day, and the day after that. For about a whole month, the only messages the sender sent were words of encouragement, admiration, and sometimes, very cheesy pick up lines like that "you are saved in my heart" one ㅡ Daehwi remembered cringing so hard at the sight of the message, but then realizing that he was smiling all the way to the toilet after seeing himself looking so disgustingly happy at the mirror; but not any clue of who the sender was could be found.

  
  
  
  


"It was Park Jihoon."

 

It was the first time Jinyoung speak at him again after the confrontation and the things coming out from his mouth had to be something Daehwi didn't understand.

 

"Who did what?" He asked, shifting his gaze from the carnation to Jinyoung.

 

"Those carnations. It was Park Jihoon who gave them to you."

 

"How do you know?"

 

Jinyoung sighed and said, "I saw him this morning putting it there."

 

Then before he went out of the class, Jinyoung said, "Please be careful." in a very serious tone.

  
  
  
  


Daehwi genuinely didn’t know whether Jinyoung was kidding or not. 

 

_ Does he even care? _

  
  
  
  


Daehwi had heard of the infamous Park Jihoon. The lonewolf who didn’t like coming to class ㅡ or going there only to sleep, the one senior who the students were afraid of, and the one person whose name was always mentioned in the teacher room. And being an obedient kid he was, his teachers had always liked Daehwi and would usually asked him to do a favor, thus the amount of time he spent in teacher room alone was enough to let him get familiarized with the famous name mentioned everyday ㅡ and he knew that usually, the name Park Jihoon mentioned won’t lead to something good.

  
  
  
  


With him not speaking to Jinyoung that often anymore, Daehwi spent most of his time alone. He was eating his lunch alone at the cafeteria when someone put his food tray in front of him. And when Daehwi looked up, it was Park Jihoon, in a slightly different appearance.

 

His hair was down ㅡ unlike his usual styling, shirt was tucked in his pants, soft brown cardigan was worn instead of his usual gakuran outer, and he wore pristine white shoes.  _ He looked so handsome. _

  
  
  
  


“Hi” he said sheepishly.

 

“H-hi?”

 

Fear was apparent on Daehwi’s eyes, so Jihoon immediately said, “I’m not here to do any bad thing. I just want to know you more.”

 

“You’re cute when you smile.”

 

Daehwi felt his heart being tickled by something he cannot explain. Despite his usual uncomfortableness acknowledging his own feelings, this time, he could confidently say that he liked it. He liked Jihoon's flirty advances ㅡ even when they were honestly corny.

  
  
  


Or maybe Daehwi liked the attention Jihoon gave to him.

  
  
  


A blush creeped on his face and he ducked his head down and said “Thank you.” in a very small voice Jihoon almost didn’t catch.

 

“And, uh…. Thank you for the carnation. And the messages. They always made my day.”

  
  
  
  


“How do you know?” he asked, shock apparent on his eyes.

 

However, what made him even more shocked was Daehwi’s response.

 

“So it really was you?”

 

“Yes."

  
  
  
  
  


They then fell into a comfortable routine ㅡ having their recess time together, going home together, and sometimes, doing their work in the library together.

 

And being the teenagers they are, his schoolmates became curious and Daehwi couldn’t help being uncomfortable every time he saw someone sending curious glances at him.

 

Their teachers were happy, though. When they were so close to giving up on Jihoon’s future, Daehwi came into the picture unexpectedly ㅡ Daehwi was the only person who talked his mind to Jihoon so freely and became so casual with him that he could coax him to come to his career counseling.

  
  
  
  


Daehwi had never been happier in his entire life, until he finally understood what Jinyoung had meant when he asked Daehwi to be careful.

 

The curiosity of his schoolmates were becoming out of hand and they found out that Jihoon’s and Daehwi’s relationship was not  _ that _ platonic. So, the days he enjoy spending at school were non-existent after that.

 

He came to school one day finding his desk were filled with disgusting scribbles and liquid dripping, instead of the usual romantic red carnation ㅡ the  _ usual _ carnation was thrown in the trash and Daehwi felt like his whole being was thrown there too along with it.

 

The whispers around him got louder and louder in his head; and the sneers and the judging stares were intensified they suffocated him and made him unable to do anything. And in his peripheries, he saw Jinyoung, gaze downturned, only looking up to Daehwi once, then mouthed ‘You okay?’ ㅡ Daehwi would be so thankful if he came to him to say that loudly instead.

  
  
  


“Hwi!”

“Daehwi!”

“Daehwi!”

 

Daehwi blinked and saw Jihoon in front of him, holding his hand tight despite knowing what others will think.

 

“Lee Daehwi, let’s go,” he said while pulling Daehwi outside of the class, right when Daehwi’s homeroom teacher came. Jihoon didn’t stop even when Mr. Yoon shouted their name to come back to the class.

  
  
  
  


Daehwi found himself in Jihoon’s embrace, feeling so shitty and all, but no tears was let out. He felt empty ㅡ it’s not like he was close to his classmates before, so their opinions didn’t matter that much to him. It’s just that his life won’t ever be peaceful anymore.

 

“Do you trust me?” He heard Jihoon say.

 

_ Of course. _ Daehwi looked at him but didn’t say anything.

 

“It will be okay, Hwi.”

  
  
  


From then on, Jihoon preferred meeting him in secret. He guessed that Jihoon would say something like, “So they won’t hurt you anymore,” thus Daehwi didn’t ask.

 

He stayed silent.

  
  
  
  
  


Daehwi held his promise with Jihoon close to his heart, expecting that somehow, Jihoon could make everything better.  _ He had always has that power. _ But what did he expect?

  
  


This is the second time Daehwi was let down by love.

  
  


_ Maybe I shouldn’t love again. _

  
  


Park Jihoon disappeared without any news and Daehwi felt so devastated looking for him. He felt every kind of toxic feelings he could feel ㅡ insecurity, doubt, and self-pity. 

 

_ What about the promise? _

 

_ Was it meant to be broken from the start? _

  
  
  
  
  
  


And that is how he has been living all this time. Daehwi doesn’t remember when he starts feeling Jihoon’s existence again, but every time he wakes up, there is still no Jihoon in his life.

  
  
  


_ "Did you shave? There's a little shaving cream here." Daehwi thumbs the cream off, tracing Jihoon's jawline with his lithe fingers. Jihoon grabs Daehwi's hand and kisses the inside of his wrist. _ _   
_ _   
_ _   
_ _ "I want to look nice for you. For our first date." _ _   
_ _   
_ _   
_ _ Daehwi scrunches his nose in fake disgust. "You have a way with words, Park Jihoon." _ _   
_ _   
_ _   
_ _ "Only for you, Daehwi." He kisses Daehwi's cute nose. _ _   
_ __   
  


  
  


And it happens repeatedly.

 

The touch, the kiss, the feeling are all real.

 

But who knows that Jihoon isn’t?

  
  
  
  


“Are you real?” he asks to Jihoon.

  
  
  
  


Daehwi has never gotten the answer to his questions. It’s just Jihoon living somewhere in his conscious, but never has Daehwi found him.


End file.
